Sometimes a Stalemate is a Win

This story has nothing to do with technology. It is a life lesson I wanted to share.

When I was 12 years old I joined the Benjamin Middle School chess club. OK, OK, stop laughing. We would meet weekly after school to play chess and every month, play in tournaments against other schools. I'm not a great chess player, but I've always loved the game. Chess is one of the only games where there is nothing left to chance. There are no cards, no dice. It doesn't matter if you're the richest or the poorest, the luckiest or the unluckiest dude in the world. At the beginning of the game, the playing field is completely even.

In my first tournament I was playing another kid from a neighboring school. We were both beginners and pretty evenly matched, so the game took quite a long time. We were huddled up in a corner and it appeared no one was paying much attention to us. As the game progressed I found I had my opponent on the ropes. I was chasing his King down with a Bishop and a Rook and I could taste victory. I got his King cornered and after he studied his next move for awhile he looked up and said "Well that's it, you won, there's nowhere for me to go." I looked down at the board and realized he was right, but I didn't win. As he started packing up his pieces I said, "It's a stalemate. I didn't win because you're not in check. It's a tie." The kid was surprised and said, "I didn't know about that. That's cool!"

I put my pieces away and as I turned around to leave I almost bumped into our coach, Mr. Mason, who unbeknown to me, was standing behind me watching our match. He smiled at me and said, "I'm proud of you J.J."

"Proud of a stalemate?"

"No, not because of the stalemate. You could have taken that win to the judges table, that kid didn't know any better. But you told the truth, you were fair, and that builds character. For you, that stalemate is a win. Good job son."

I didn't think much of that exchange at the time. In my 12-year-old innocence I didn't think twice about making that call. Today, as a business owner and a family man, with a lot more to lose and a lot more people to take care of, I think about that day a lot. From time-to-time in my job, I'm confronted by others with a difference of opinion. I like to look at things objectively and most of the time, we can come to a mutual agreement with a quick, civil conversation. But sometimes, we just can't see eye-to-eye. When I hit one of those impasses, more often than not, my Italian blood kicks in. My ears get hot, my pride wells up, I start taking things personally and I lose focus.

When I feel that happening, I think about chess. I think about how objective the chess board is, how black and white the game is and how, out of all the permutations that could happen, there still is a possibility of coming to a draw. And then I think about that match when I was 12 years old. And I ask myself, "Am I being fair?" "If Mr. Mason was standing over my shoulder, would he still be proud?" The answer to that question always calms me down and dictates my next move. Whether it's standing my ground or handing some back.

It's a mantra I've come to embrace over the years. Sometimes you know you're right, and sometimes you realize you're wrong. But when you hit a stalemate, you always have your character to fall back on. And as long as you hold true to your character, a stalemate, is a win.